You’ve probably been here before: staring at your partner across the dinner table, both of you exhausted from yet another silent standoff or swirling argument that ends in more distance. You whisper, “Maybe we should try couples therapy.” But almost instantly, their voice snaps back, “No way. That’s not for us.” Where do you go from here? 

Even couples who deeply love each other can find themselves resistant to therapy. Sometimes, it’s one partner holding back. Sometimes, it’s both. And that resistance can make sense: there are fears, stories, past hurts, practical barriers, all tangled up in that hesitation. 

Saying “no” to couples therapy isn’t always the end of the story. Sometimes, it’s the beginning of understanding what you really need. If you’ve been unsure about therapy, this guide is for you. Not to convince you, but to help you feel more understood in your hesitation.

Let’s explore what might be underneath the hesitation. 

Sometimes the resistance to couples therapy is entirely logistical. The truth is, therapy requires time, money, energy, and coordination. And when you’re already running low on those things (like most people in long-term relationships), therapy can feel like one more impossible item on an already overcrowded list. 

Cost is a big one. In cities like Los Angeles, couples therapy can range from $150 to over $300 per session, depending on the therapist’s experience and specialization. That’s a significant investment, especially when financial stress is one of the things you’re arguing about. 

Scheduling is another hurdle. Finding a time when both partners are available, and emotionally prepared, is no small feat. Add in demanding jobs, kids, or caregiving responsibilities, and therapy can feel logistically impossible. 

For many couples, the thought of therapy doesn’t just bring up scheduling conflicts or insurance headaches, it brings up something much deeper: the fear of being emotionally exposed. 

It’s not that they don’t want to fix things. It’s that therapy asks them to feel things they’ve spent a long time trying not to feel. And for some, that feels unbearable. 

This is especially true for what therapists call withdrawn partners: the ones who often pull away during conflict, shut down emotionally, or avoid “deep talks.” These partners may be terrified that therapy will become yet another space where they are misunderstood, criticized, or rejected. 

But that safety has to be built slowly. And it can’t be forced. 

Add to that the lingering effects of trauma, and it’s easy to see why some people resist therapy altogether. Trauma can wire the brain to avoid emotional risk, even in the service of healing. According to research, nearly half of people with trauma histories delay or avoid seeking therapy due to fear of emotional overwhelm. 

Some people may not even realize that their “no” to therapy is actually a “no” to vulnerability. It can show up as indifference, sarcasm, deflection, anything to avoid opening the emotional floodgates. 

This doesn’t mean they don’t care. 

It often means they care so much that the risk of being hurt again feels unbearable. 

Not every “yes” to therapy means someone’s in it with both feet. Sometimes, a partner agrees to attend sessions not because they want to save the relationship, but because they’re trying to soften the blow of leaving it. 

It’s a hard truth, but an important one: not everyone who shows up for couples therapy wants the relationship to work. Some are there out of guilt. Others are afraid to hurt their partner. And some are simply trying to “check the box” before saying goodbye. 

This dynamic, often called “mixed agenda couples”, is more common than you’d think. One partner is leaning in, ready to repair and rebuild. The other is leaning out, unsure or already emotionally checked out. 

A study published in Family Process found that when one partner was ambivalent, therapeutic outcomes were significantly reduced, but not impossible, when addressed directly 

Therapists often recommend Discernment Counseling or short-term individual sessions to assess what’s real and what’s fear. Sometimes, getting clear on what you both want, rather than rushing to fix the relationship, is the best first step. 

Some resistance to therapy comes not from lived experience, but from the stories we’ve been told (or told ourselves). These myths tend to take root quietly in our subconscious, shaping how we perceive the therapeutic process before we’ve even begun. 

Let’s name a few.

We like to believe that once you find a therapist, the healing begins. But therapy, especially couples therapy, is a three-way relationship. And like any relationship, it comes with its own bumps, blind spots, and moments of misalignment. 

If something feels off, many people simply leave. But Grazel urges: try repair. 

Giving up on therapy because you didn’t immediately ‘click’ with your therapist is like giving up on all relationships after a single bad date. But all relationships take work and honest communication, and that goes for the therapy room too. 

In many cultures, therapy is still seen as shameful, unnecessary, or weak. Opening up to a stranger, even a trained professional, can feel like betraying your roots, your values, or your family. 

This resistance often stems from generational beliefs about privacy, strength, or pride. If you were raised to keep problems “in the family” or taught that personal struggle should be endured quietly, therapy may feel like a dangerous or indulgent choice. 

Resistance isn’t weakness. It’s data. It shows us where we’re afraid, where we’ve been hurt, and where we still need safety. 

Whether you’re ready or not, the invitation is simple: stay curious.