You love your partner, but somehow, you’re always arguing about the dishes. Or maybe it’s money. Or how much time they spend on their phone. The topic doesn’t even matter anymore – because every conversation seems to turn into a fight. 

At some point, many couples hit a wall. They know something needs to change, but how? Maybe you’ve Googled “best couples therapy techniques” and found a confusing list of options: Gottman, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), PACT… Each one claims to be effective, but how do you know which one is right for you? 

We’re so glad you asked! 

In this article, we’ll cover: 

• What makes EFT different from other couples therapy methods; 
• How to know which approach is right for your relationship; 
• Why your emotions – not just your logical brain – are the key to lasting change; and, 
• When individual therapy might be a better starting point. 

By the end, you’ll have a clearer idea of what type of therapy fits your needs, and where to start. 

Let’s dive in. 

Relationships are complex. No two couples experience conflict in the same way, and different couples struggle for different reasons, which is why there’s no universal solution for repairing connection. But what is universal is the fact that couples therapy – when approached with commitment – works. Research from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) shows that over 90% of couples who seek therapy report an improvement in emotional well-being, and two-thirds say their relationship significantly improves as a result. 

At GGPA, we specialize in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples because of its deep focus on attachment and long-term relationship repair. However, there are other approaches that may be helpful depending on the specific challenges you’re facing. 

If you’re feeling unsure about where to start, don’t worry. We’ll break down the most common couples therapy approaches so you can determine what’s right for you. 

If you’re looking for a therapy approach that goes beyond surface-level communication tools, EFT might be the best fit. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT is a short-term, structured therapy that focuses on attachment theory, helping couples recognize the underlying emotional needs that drive conflict. 

Many couples seeking therapy feel stuck in negative interaction cycles – patterns of behavior where one or both partners react in ways that create further disconnection. EFT is designed to identify, de-escalate, and reshape these patterns, so couples can begin to communicate and respond to each other in ways that foster emotional safety and connection. 

EFT is an intuitive approach – and it’s backed by research. Studies from the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) show that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery through EFT, and over 90% show significant improvements in relationship satisfaction. You can read more in Dr. Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight. 

However, EFT isn’t the only approach available. Let’s take a look at how it compares to other common couples therapy modalities. 

When couples seek therapy, they often want clear, actionable strategies to improve communication and resolve conflict. That’s where the Gottman Method stands out. Unlike EFT, which prioritizes deep emotional connection and attachment security, the Gottman Method is highly structured, research-based, and focused on practical interventions that help couples improve their relationship dynamics. 

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this approach is rooted in decades of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. In fact, John Gottman is often called “the guy who can predict divorce in 15 minutes” because his research, spanning over 40 years, has identified key behaviors that determine whether a couple will stay together or break apart. 

Couples engaging in Gottman Method therapy can expect a structured and goal-oriented experience. 

1. The Assessment Phase 

The process begins with a thorough assessment, including: 

• A joint session where the therapist gathers relationship history and concerns. 
• Individual sessions to understand each partner’s perspective. 
• A questionnaire measuring relationship strengths and challenges. 

2. Personalized Treatment Plan 

Based on the assessment, the therapist creates a customized roadmap to address specific relationship challenges. 

3. Skill-Building Exercises and Interventions 

Therapists guide couples through evidence-based exercises designed to: 

• Strengthen emotional connection. 
• Improve communication and conflict resolution. 
• Develop rituals of connection and shared meaning. 

Unlike EFT, which is more emotion and attachment driven, Gottman therapy provides concrete tools that couples can use immediately to improve their relationship, without delving into your emotions in great detail. There are pros and cons to this approach, as with any therapeutic intervention. 

The Gottman Method works well for couples who: 

• Prefer a structured, head-based approach rather than deep emotional exploration. 
• Want clear, actionable strategies to improve communication and reduce conflict. 
• Are dealing with common relationship challenges like disagreements over money, parenting, or household responsibilities. 
• Need specific exercises and guidance rather than open-ended emotional processing. 

However, the Gottman Method may not be the best fit for couples experiencing severe emotional wounds, deep trauma, or attachment-related disconnection – areas where EFT may be more beneficial. 

Couples therapy could be about how partners experience safety, security, and connection at a deep, physiological level, not just how they communicate. That’s the core idea behind PACT (The Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), a method that blends attachment theory, neuroscience, and nervous system regulation to help couples build a relationship that feels emotionally and physically secure. 

Developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin, PACT focuses on how our brains and bodies react in relationships and how these unconscious responses shape our interactions. Instead of simply discussing emotions or learning communication skills, PACT helps partners understand and regulate their nervous system reactions, so they can respond, rather than react, in moments of stress or conflict. 

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I don’t know why I reacted that way” after an argument, PACT might help you uncover the answer. 

PACT therapy is highly interactive and experiential, meaning couples don’t just sit and talk – they actively engage in real-time exercises to observe and shift their relational patterns. 

1. Observing Real-Time Reactions 

• The therapist watches microexpressions and body language to identify unconscious reactions. 
• Partners are guided to notice and regulate their nervous system responses during stressful conversations. 

2. Understanding Attachment Styles 

• Partners explore how early childhood experiences shape relationship expectations and behaviors. 
• The therapist helps them recognize attachment patterns (secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) and how they influence interactions. 

3. Rewiring Responses to Conflict 

• Instead of escalating arguments, partners learn how to co-regulate – helping each other stay emotionally present and connected. 
• PACT sessions often involve role-playing exercises, where couples practice new, healthier interaction patterns in the moment. 

PACT sessions are longer than traditional therapy sessions (often 90 – 120 minutes) because they involve deep, focused work on real-time interactions rather than just discussing past conflicts. 

PACT is particularly effective for couples who: 

• Struggle with emotional regulation – If arguments escalate quickly or one partner shuts down, PACT helps regulate those responses. 
• Have trouble staying present in conflict – If fights feel overwhelming and out of control, PACT helps partners slow down and stay connected. 
• Want to build deeper emotional attunement – PACT teaches partners how to truly read each other’s emotional and physiological cues. 
• Experience attachment-related conflicts – If early childhood experiences impact the relationship dynamic, PACT can help to shift those patterns. 

PACT isn’t the best fit for couples who: 

• Prefer structured, step-by-step interventions like those in the Gottman Method. 
• Want to address deep-seated emotional issues and traumas like in EFT. 

Many couples assume that better communication is the key to fixing their relationship. And while communication matters, what truly transforms relationships isn’t just how you talk – it’s how you connect emotionally. 

It’s easy to intellectualize relationship struggles – Googling solutions, watching TED Talks, or reading self-help books. These approaches can offer couples some help, but they don’t get to the heart of the problem. You can learn every conflict resolution strategy out there, but if your partner doesn’t feel emotionally safe with you, no amount of perfectly worded “I-statements” will fix that. 

That’s because relationship struggles aren’t always logical – they’re emotional. You might know, intellectually, that your partner loves you, yet still feel distant or disconnected. Or you might logically understand that they don’t mean to ignore you, but emotionally, it still stings. Trying to think your way out of an emotional problem is like trying to fix a broken heart with a spreadsheet – it just doesn’t work. 

This is where EFT can be so beneficial. At GGPA, we use EFT to help couples move beyond logic and into emotional attunement – so they can truly feel seen, heard, and connected. Instead of just teaching conflict resolution techniques or how to read your partner’s physiological cues, EFT works at a deeper level, helping couples recognize and change the emotional patterns driving their conflicts. 

The difference is remarkable: Instead of just avoiding fights, EFT helps couples repair after conflict and build emotional safety so those fights become less intense and less frequent. It’s about healing the root cause, not just managing the symptoms. 

If you’re unsure which therapy approach is best, ask yourself: 

• Are we struggling with emotional disconnection and recurring patterns? → EFT is likely the best fit. 
• Do we need practical tools for communication and conflict management? → Gottman might work well. 
• Do I feel overwhelmed or out of control by my own emotions and reactions? → PACT may help you and your partner regulate your emotional responses. 

Couples therapy can be incredibly effective, but sometimes, the best first step isn’t working on the relationship – it’s working on yourself. When deep personal struggles, trauma, or emotional barriers make it difficult to engage in couples work, individual therapy can lay the groundwork for meaningful progress. Individual therapy can often be a powerful tool for strengthening a relationship by helping one or both partners develop emotional awareness, self-regulation, and personal insight. 

If any of this resonates, Grazel Garcia Psychotherapy & Associates offers individual therapy options to help you work through these challenges before starting couples therapy. When you do eventually begin couples work, you’ll be in a much stronger place to create lasting change together. 

If you’re struggling in your relationship, it’s hard to know where to turn. Taking the step to begin couples therapy can feel intimidating, but there is hope for those who are willing to commit to their partnership. Here are the top 7 takeaways from this article: 

1. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Helps Couples Break Negative Cycles 
   EFT is an attachment-based therapy designed to help couples understand and de-escalate negative interaction patterns. It focuses on emotional connection and attachment security rather than basic communication techniques, making it particularly effective for couples experiencing emotional disconnection. 
2. Different Therapy Approaches Suit Different Couples 
   No single therapy approach works for every couple. While EFT focuses on attachment and emotions, the Gottman Method provides structured, skill-based strategies, and PACT emphasizes nervous system regulation and emotional attunement. Choosing the right therapy depends on what the couple struggles with most. 
3. Emotions Play a More Significant Role in Relationship Growth Than Logic 
   Many couples try to “think” their way out of conflict, but true relationship transformation comes from emotional attunement rather than intellectual problem-solving. As Grazel puts it, “We use emotions as a ground for connection versus logic, because nowadays, everyone can Google behavioral skills. But true change happens when we go deeper than that.” 
4. The Gottman Method Provides Concrete, Science-Based Tools for Relationship Success 
   The Gottman Method is highly structured and backed by decades of research. It helps couples build emotional connection through practical exercises like Love Maps and conflict management strategies. Studies show that Gottman-based interventions significantly improve relationship satisfaction. 
5. PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) Focuses on Nervous System Regulation 
   PACT helps couples understand their emotional triggers and nonverbal communication by focusing on attachment styles and nervous system regulation. It’s particularly helpful for couples who experience emotional reactivity, unresolved trauma, or difficulty staying present in conflict. 
6. Not Every Couple is Ready for Couples Therapy – Individual Therapy Might Be the First Step 
   If past trauma, emotional unavailability, or uncertainty about the relationship is present, starting with individual therapy might be a better approach before beginning couples therapy. This allows each partner to work through personal challenges that could hinder relationship progress. 
7. Therapy is Most Effective When Tailored to a Couple’s Unique Needs 
   Whether a couple chooses EFT, Gottman, PACT, or another approach, therapy is most successful when it aligns with their specific struggles and relationship goals. At Grazel Garcia Psychotherapy & Associates, couples can explore which therapy type best fits their needs with compassionate, gentle and careful guidance.