Maybe you cheated. Maybe they cheated. Now what? 

Infidelity has a way of shaking everything loose. Even if you’re sleeping in the same bed, eating the same meals, wearing the same wedding ring, it suddenly might not feel like your relationship anymore. You look across the room and wonder: how did we get here? And how on earth do we get back? 

Or maybe you’re the partner who broke the agreement. And now you’re watching the person you love sit in a kind of pain you didn’t know you were capable of causing. The shame is loud. The guilt is heavy. And you fear that fixing things just isn’t an option. 

If you’re here, reading this, chances are you’re not ready to walk away just yet. Maybe both of you want to stay. Maybe one of you isn’t sure. Either way, you’re trying to understand what healing from betrayal actually looks like, not in theory, but in real life. 

That’s what this article is about. 

Before any healing can begin, there’s a quieter, more foundational question that needs to be answered, sometimes out loud, sometimes just internally: 

Do you both actually want to stay in this relationship? 

It sounds basic, but it isn’t. And this moment of decision-making is more common than many people realise. In fact, over 50% of couples who experience infidelity do not separate immediately and instead try to work through it, either informally or in therapy. 

At GGPA, answering that question is the very first step in working with couples after infidelity. Because couples therapy is not for convincing someone to stay. It’s for people who are either committed to rebuilding, or seriously considering it. 

And that’s not always clear at the start. Sometimes one partner is all in, while the other has a foot out the door. That doesn’t mean therapy is off the table, but it might mean starting with discernment counseling instead. This kind of short-term therapy is designed to help couples decide whether they want to part ways or move forward. 

If both people choose to stay, even if they’re not sure how, that’s when the real work begins. And from there, everything that happens in therapy is built on the foundation of that shared willingness. It doesn’t guarantee smooth sailing. But it does give you something solid to stand on. 

When trust has been broken, everything feels like a risk (even eye contact). So it makes sense that one of the first things to disappear after infidelity is emotional safety. And without safety, repair simply doesn’t happen. 

That de-escalation work is delicate. It involves helping the betraying partner stay grounded enough to hear the pain they caused, and helping the injured partner feel safe enough to express that pain without being dismissed or shut down. 

No one gets shamed into healing. But no one gets protected from the consequences either. 

There’s often an unspoken assumption in conversations about infidelity: that the person who cheated (or lied, or hid something big) doesn’t get to have feelings. But the reality in the therapy room is more complicated. 

Of course, the focus early on needs to be on the pain of the injured partner. That wound needs tending. But the partner who strayed is still a human, and often a human carrying a very tangled mix of guilt, grief, shame, fear, and regret. 

This internal conflict can be paralyzing. On one hand, they want to make things right. On the other, they’re so ashamed of what they’ve done that they can barely sit in the same room, let alone stay present for their partner’s pain. 

It’s common for the betraying partner to swing between defensiveness and collapse. They might say things like, “But you weren’t there for me,” or “You pushed me away for years.” Not because they want to dodge responsibility, but because they’re trying to explain the hurt that led them down a destructive path. 

That balance between accountability and compassion is the tightrope we walk in EFT. The betraying partner doesn’t get a free pass. But they also don’t get exiled from the healing process. 

When there’s been a betrayal, most people just want to skip ahead. Let’s move on. Let’s fix it. Let’s not talk about it anymore. And it’s understandable. Pain is uncomfortable, whether you’re on the receiving end or when you’re the one who caused it. 

But skipping past the pain doesn’t actually protect your relationship. It just presses pause on something that will bubble up later. At GGPA, we don’t rush that part. Because the pain has something important to say.

What we’re doing here is building a tolerance – a kind of emotional muscle – for staying present in hard moments without shutting down or spiralling. That goes for both partners. Because once both people can stay in the room with the pain, the healing can actually begin. 

One of the trickiest parts of rebuilding trust after infidelity is shame. Not just the hurt that’s been caused, but the part of the process no one really likes to admit: how much shame and guilt can block healing, especially for the partner who stepped outside the relationship. 

You might think the betraying partner deserves to feel bad. And yes, accountability matters. But there’s a difference between guilt (“I did something wrong”) and shame (“I am something wrong”). The latter shuts people down. It makes it harder to stay present, harder to listen, harder to reconnect. 

In other words, if someone is drowning in guilt, they can’t reach for their partner, and they can’t receive their partner’s pain, either. They may flinch, defend, or disconnect entirely. Not because they don’t care – it’s just too much. 

The goal isn’t to erase the shame. It’s to soften it. So the partner who broke the trust can stay grounded enough to say, “Yes, I see how badly I hurt you. I’m here. I’m not running.” 

The hardest truth couples face after infidelity is this: trust won’t go back to how it was. It can’t. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be rebuilt, and in some cases, even deepened. 

When trust has been broken, couples often want to know what “healing” will look like. Will we ever feel normal again? Will I always be on edge? Will they always feel guilty? 

The answer, frustrating as it may be, is that it takes time. But it’s not just about waiting. It’s about showing up for the slow, steady work of reconnecting in a way that feels safe, honest, and emotionally attuned. 

That means tending to the injury, not just talking around it. It means going back to the moment of rupture, naming what happened, and letting the pain be seen (again and again, if needed) without rushing to fix it or shut it down. 

It’s in the small things: a partner checking in when they say they will. Following through on boundaries. Offering comfort instead of defensiveness. Being willing to hear, “I’m still hurting,” without making it about themselves. 

When betrayal happens, it’s easy to assume the person who was hurt is the only one carrying pain. But the truth? Both partners are in it. Just differently. 

The injured partner often feels gutted – blindsided, furious, heartbroken. But as we’ve discussed, the partner who stepped outside the relationship is often battling their own storm of shame, guilt, and confusion. Sometimes they’re so caught in that spiral, they can barely hear their partner’s pain without retreating into defensiveness. 

In the early stages of therapy, GGPA therapists make sure both people feel seen, but not at the same time. That might sound strange, but it’s intentional. The pain of the betrayed partner has to take up space first. It needs to be held, understood, and respected. Only then can we safely move toward the emotions on the other side of the couch. 

That doesn’t mean the betraying partner is left out. Far from it. But jumping too quickly to their guilt or their reasons can make the injured partner feel erased. And when that happens, the whole process stalls. 

So instead, the therapist helps the partner who caused harm stay with their loved one’s pain without shutting down. And then, when the moment is right, space is made for their story too. For what led them there. For what they were feeling. For the patterns in the relationship that had been quietly hurting both of them for a long time. 

There’s no tidy bow we can tie around infidelity. No magic phrase that makes the pain vanish or the trust spring back overnight. But there is a path. And it’s one that many couples have walked: slowly, painfully, and yes, together. 

At GGPA, we don’t pretend rebuilding trust is simple. But we do believe it’s possible. Not by ignoring the wound or rushing past it, but by holding space for it. By helping both partners stay present, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. 

1. Healing can’t start until both partners are willing to stay 
   The first and most essential step isn’t repairing trust, it’s deciding if both people actually want to try. Without that mutual willingness, therapy can’t move forward. Couples therapy is for rebuilding, not convincing someone to stay. 
2. Emotional safety comes before any repair 
   Rebuilding trust isn’t possible without emotional safety. That means creating space where both partners can share pain, guilt, and fear without defensiveness, shame spirals, or emotional shutdowns. As Grazel puts it, “When the pain is heard, there’s more connection.” 
3. The partner who broke the trust also has pain, and a role in healing 
   Therapy doesn’t erase accountability, but it also doesn’t exile the one who caused harm. That person is often carrying deep shame, guilt, and confusion. Both partners matter. But early on, the pain of the injured partner needs to take up space first. 
4. Sitting with pain is the hardest part 
   There’s no fast-forward button. Many couples want to jump straight to fixing, but lasting repair comes from learning to stay present in the hard stuff. Healing requires tolerating emotional discomfort together, without running, numbing, or shutting down. 
5. Shame can block healing as much as betrayal 
   When the betraying partner gets lost in shame, they often pull away, just when the relationship needs more presence, not less. Therapy at GGPA gently helps soften that shame so both partners can stay emotionally available in the repair process. 
6. Rebuilding trust is a long process 
   Trust doesn’t return to how it was but it can become something deeper, more honest, and more resilient. It’s rebuilt through small, consistent moments of care, responsiveness, and follow-through, not grand gestures or rushed forgiveness. 
7. There’s space for both partners’ pain, just not at the same time 
   In early therapy sessions, the injured partner’s pain leads. Once that’s been heard and held, the betraying partner’s feelings can also be explored with care. The goal isn’t to excuse betrayal, but to understand the full emotional story on both sides. 

If you’re sitting with pain right now, whether you’ve been hurt or you’re the one who caused the hurt, and you’re wondering if there’s anything left to save, know this: the road ahead is slow, but it doesn’t have to be walked alone. 

We’ll meet you right where you are.